I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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