I heard we made out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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