I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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