she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
