If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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