What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
