woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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