My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
