you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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