why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at about main and main street
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
