What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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