I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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