Ambien. No doubt about it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
