i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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