I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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