I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
