I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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