Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
