if you like me you must not know who I am
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
