i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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