my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
