of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
