i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
