i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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