the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
