You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
