it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
