and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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