Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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