I will die if light touches me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
