She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
