would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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