In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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