9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
