We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
