Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
