Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
