I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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