I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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