she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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