I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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