shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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