Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
