I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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