I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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