I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
