they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
