it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
