I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
