Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
