He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
