bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
