Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
