it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
